Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Basher Bracelets

Hello Bashers!!

I am here to tell you about our new Bash Out Bullying wristbands. In exchange for your $1 donation you will receive a Bash Out Bullying wristband! Simply message me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or shoot me an email if you are interested! These would make cool stocking stuffers for the holidays! 

I know I haven't posted in a while due to school, cheer, and work I have been so busy! However, I plan to begin posting more frequently! So many positive things have happened to Bash Out Bullying since my last post and I can't wait to share them with you so stay tuned! Be sure that you are following us on Twitter (@bashoutbullying), Instagram (@bash_out_bullying_), and Facebook (Bash Out Bullying) for more frequent updates! 

Stay strong and stay positive,
Courtney Jay 💜

Sunday, October 11, 2015

The 4 Different Types Of Bullying

Did you know that there are four types of bullying?
1. Verbal bullying is saying or writing mean things. Verbal bullying includes:
-Teasing
-Name calling
-Inappropriate sexual comments
-Taunting
-Threatening to cause harm

2. Social bullying, sometimes referred to as relational bullying, involves hurting someone's reputation or relationships. Social bullying includes:
-Leaving someone out on purpose.
-Telling other children not to be friends with someone.
-Spreading rumors about someone.
-Embarrassing someone in public.

3. Physical bullying, involves hurting a person's body or possessions.
Physical bullying includes:

Hitting/kicking/pinching.
-Spitting.
-Tripping/pushing.
-Taking or breaking someone's things.
-Making mean or rude hand gestures.

4. Cyberbullying is bullying that takes place using electronic technology. Electronic technology includes devices and equipment such as cell phones, computers, and tablets as well as communication tools including social media sites, text messages, chat, and websites.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Where it all started...

know you are all wondering why I started Bash Out Bullying and I am finally telling you one of the reasons why! Due to the story being so lengthy it will be shared in a few different parts so here we go!

Kindergarten through sixth grade I attended a small independent private school. There was only one class for each grade. Our class was the biggest class in school, we had 18 students, but we were all extremely close. I was friends with everyone in my class, the girls and boys. Of course in elementary school boys still have "cooties" so most of us girls hung out together. We would dress alike, eat lunch together, have sleepovers on the weekends, and even shed tears when it came to a close at the end of the school year, even though most of us would see each other at summer camp/school in a couple of weeks. My mother raised me and my brother to always include everyone, so I always invited the entire class, along with their siblings whenever I had a party, birthday, holiday, end of the year, etc. She instilled in us that you never want anyone to feel left out, now if a couple of the quiet kids chose not to come, that was their choice but they could never say they weren't invited. All of our parents were close as well and became friends too. We did a lot of things outside of school together as a class for example, my mom put together a class party at Incredible Pizza and again just about everyone from our class came and we had fun, a lot of us have been to Six Flags together, and music concerts too, that's just how close our class was. Once we graduated 6th grade we all went to different middle schools, but still remained good friends. 
 
We had a trip during the sixth grade to Memphis where we stayed at another school overnight. During that trip, a lot of "girl drama" was said, by not only me but by others as well. Looking back heck just about everyone said something about someone. Because our moms were friends and they all knew us well, they quickly got to the bottom of things. All of our parents and us girls met at our school in a conference room and talked about the "girl drama". I said something really mean about a good friend, I am not in any way making excuses, but I wasn't the only person who said some things, practically everyone did. However, if you know or ever meet my mom, you will quickly learn she doesn't play games, so she immediately became furious with me in the meeting! She got on me tough and told me that wasn't nice, I apologized to my "friend" and her mom. This is when I learned the importance of "friendship". While I thought I was just having a conversation with another "friend", who I might add had a lot of not so nice things to say also about this same person, as well as others, it was never my intention to hurt our "friend's" feelings. I never thought about how I would feel if the shoe were on the other foot. Looking back, my mom took over the meeting from that point and no one else's issues were ever brought to light or addressed. I was too young to know then, but looking back, I was the scapegoat for the Memphis field trip "girl drama". Now funny thing is after the meeting all of my "friends" were now not talking to me, some who I hadn't said anything about at all and some who said a lot more things about others than me, but remember they didn't get put on the spot like me. 
 
As time went on, things worked themselves out and we were all back "friends". We had our 6th grade graduation ceremony, which was nice and of course, more tears came because we were leaving each other. We had a 6th grade graduation party afterwards we ate, danced, and took lots of pictures and of course there were more tears! I had a pretty big 6th grade graduation party of my own and of course everyone was invited and came, we danced took lots of pictures and again we had a ball!!! We all kept in touch over the summer before 7th grade and while we went to separate schools we all remained "friends". We (girls and boys) met up at middle school mixers and our mom’s would take us to eat together at Steak n Shake afterwards, we were the City Academy crew! This is where things get foggy and fuzzy, I am not sure "what" happened but for some reason I was put out of our "friend" group. It took a while for me to even realize I was put out at first because some of us were still hanging out and spending the night with each other. Our small school has an annual alumni ice skating event every year during Christmas break so that's a time when we would all get together for old time sake and again have fun! Some of us would carpool together and even spend the night with each other. Well our 8th and 9th grade year some of us hung out before and afterwards and guess what?! Some not so nice things were said about some of the "friends"! Well I learned my lesson in 6th grade so I never joined in nor did I go back and repeat what was told me to anyone, but guess what, all of them are friends, but they aren't with me! Now I am sure if it ever came out what some people said it would be more "girl drama", but I will always keep it to myself because it's not worth starting trouble about, but I just can’t figure out for the life of me how in the world was I put out of the "friend" group. It's like they have all band together to go against me, but when I tell you I have NEVER had an argument or falling out with any of them, it's so puzzling to me. These are people I have been "friends" with a very long time, some before kindergarten and many since kindergarten. We are now entering our junior year of high school, that's a lot of history together. 
 
Because I learned to deal with things directly and first hand I have reached out to 3 of my former friends via telephone (I called them) and asked "what's wrong, what happened to us/our friendship, what did I do to you?" These are the responses I got:
 
Friend #1. "I just don't like the way you're living your life..." 
 
Now let's be clear, I was 15 years old when I asked her this, so I don't know how bad my life was and what I was doing that would make her want to pass judgment against me, but I am nice to everyone that I meet. So when I tried to probe and ask her what did she mean and to please be specific, well let's just say she could never give me a clear answer.
 
Friend # 2. "Someone told me you said something about me..." I told her “I didn't say anything about you. I like you and have never had a problem with you. I am sorry for whoever told you that." She didn't want to hear it and continued to tell me that I did say something. It wasn't worth arguing about so I said "okay".
 
Friend #3. "I thought you were talking about me and one of the other friends..." again more he said/she said girl stuff. I told her too that I didn't have a problem with them and I didn't say anything about them.
 
Now at this point I am just like "whatever" I felt fine in my heart because I know that I hadn't done anything to anyone. No one could tell me what I personally and directly did to them, at that point I was finally "okay" with my former "friend" group not liking me anymore or putting me out the group rather. I would be lying if I told you that it doesn't bother me from time to time because we all grew up so close, and I never had an argument with anyone and I don't quite understand the reason for them not being my "friend" anymore. I see a lot of them from time to time and they don't even say "hello". I guess we weren't true friends after all, but keep in mind I know personally and first hand lots of things they have all said about each other that wasn't so nice, that I will always keep to myself, but if they are still mad at me from something that happened in 6th grade I guess we didn't have a healthy fair "friendship" in the first place. This is social bullying at its best.
 
Social bulling=sometimes referred to as relational bullying, involves hurting someone’s reputation or relationships. 
 
            -Leaving someone out on purpose
 
            -Telling other children not to be friends with someone
 
            -Spreading rumors about someone
 
            -Embarrassing someone in public
 
This is just part one of my story. Did you know that boys get involved in "girl drama" too?!
 
Stay tuned for part two!


Stay strong and stay positive,
Courtney Jay 💜

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Courtney's World Tour!


Hello Bashers, it’s been awhile since my last post! I have been on what I like to call "Courtney’s World Tour”, I was gone for 18 days! I went to Atlanta, Georgia to surprise my best friend, Jurnee for her 16th birthday, and then we went to Florida and on a cruise to the Bahamas! I also spent a weekend in Charlotte, North Carolina. After that I then attended Kamp Kizzy, a camp that promotes self- esteem, empowerment, and motivation in girls ages 11-16! Sit back and read a little about my “tour”!
 
Jurnee was extremely surprised when I arrived to Atlanta that Friday night, as she had NO idea at all! You should have seen the look on her face when I walked in the house, it was priceless! The next day we went to her dance school’s end of the year celebration and that night we went to an all-white Sweet 16 party. On Sunday we prepared to go Florida and hung out around the house. We flew from Atlanta to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida on Monday morning. We hung out at the hotel’s pool and ate snacks. The next day we drove to Miami shopped and spent time hanging out at the beach. On Wednesday, we then went on a 2-day cruise to the Bahamas! It was my first time being on a cruise and I really enjoyed myself and am still confused on how something that large floats and you barely feel it! There was so much to do, all you can eat and drink, and one night we even dominated the dance floor!
 
When we came back to Atlanta on Friday evening, my god mother, Candy picked me up and I spent the weekend with her in Charlotte, NC. I assisted her with a dance camp she gave her at church on Saturday (she has her own dance studio, Leap of Faith), it was kids and adults that was a lot of fun! Afterwards we went to the mall (of course), shopped, ate, and made homemade s’mores later that evening with family and friends, more fun! I always enjoy spending time with my god mother, since she lives out of town I only get to see her a few times a year. She’s fun to be around, loves to shop like me, and is easy to talk to, plus she spoils me too!:)
 
Kamp Kizzy was my next stop on my mini world your! Kamp Kizzy was started by Keshia Knight Pulliam (you may know her as Rudy from the Cosby show) in 2010 it is a camp that challenges girls to Dream BIG, Think Big, & Accomplish BIG! At camp we learn the importance of physical, mental, and spiritual wellness, we also learn the importance of paying it forward. This was my second year being selected to attend the camp. You have to complete an application, write an essay, and get letters of recommendations. It is a highly selective process and I was honor to be chosen again, as they only select 100 girls and they receive over hundreds of applications each year! It was great to see my old friends, camp counselors, and mentors from last summer and meeting new people and beginning new friendships was great too; this is actually where Jurnee and I met last year! 
I was extremely excited to introduce my Bash Out Bullying organization to everyone, they were all so supportive and excited as well! I presented Miss Keshia with her very own Bash Out Bullying shirt and she was so proud of me! My bff Jurnee and camp counselor/mentor, Jamie wore their B.O.B t-shirts the same day I did! Miss Keshia has been on board ever since learning about my organization and blog. She has even helped me by spreading the word about Bash Out Bullying on her Twitter, she retweeted my tweet, so you know that brought a lot more traffic to my social media page! Kamp Kizzy is for girls ages 11-16, which means this was my last year as a camper, but I hope to go back next year as a counselor! I recommend this camp to all girls http://kampkizzy.org/ , I promise you will love it!
 
Lastly, while I was gone on “tour” my story was featured on the Megan Meier Foundation’s website http://www.meganmeierfoundation.org/meet-courtney.html and their Face Book page. They did a Ledbetter campaign the week of July 13-17th and I was selected as one of their inspiration stories. I gave a short summary of how I was bullied. This was my first time sharing my story and I plan to go in more detail about my story here on my blog one day soon. The Ledbetter mission is “To Live Every Day Better to improve mind, body, and soul with love”. Also if you aren’t familiar with the Megan Meier Foundation, please check out their website http://www.meganmeierfoundation.org/, where you can learn more about their mission as well, they are also on all social media outlets.
 
Whew, that was a lot! Now I am back home and ready to continue to Bash Out Bullying! Blogs will be posted weekly and my social media outlets will be updated daily! My business cards have been ordered and we are working on my t-shirt orders too! I am very excited to announce I will be on a radio show this Saturday morning at 10a promoting B. O. B. with another great organization, Stop the Violence. Later that day I will be attending my first speaking engagement, sitting on the panel of the 2nd annual Educated Girls Rock event. The panel will consist of me, two other students, teachers, and the founder of Educated Girls Rock, we will be speaking on the importance of graduating high school! There is so much more to come with Bash Out Bullying, please stay tuned, continue to spread the word, and thank you for all of your support!

Stay strong and stay positive,
Courtney Jay 💜

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Did You Make The Clique ?

Exclusion is one of the top ways someone can be bullied. It is easily confused with the idea that everyone does not have to be friends. Exclusion is seen in both boys and girls, but more commonly girls. This creates an outlet for girls to use the term "clique". Cliques can also be known as, "our crew", "our clan", "our gang" or "our circle". Now what exactly is a "clique"? A clique a small group of people, with shared interests or other features in common, who spend time together and do not readily allow others to join them. Cliques are commonly found in high school, but they are also prevalent in middle school and even elementary school! I have experienced exclusion from several different cliques first hand. Sometimes exclusion is unintentional and people are simply afraid to branch out. Other times people intentionally leave if someone out because they are not "cool" enough or they are a "nerd". Sometimes if you are in a clique you do not realize that you are leaving others out. Here are a couple examples, if a group of people are at lunch and there are four people sitting at another table, then one of the clique members invites only three of the four people to eat with them. Another example of a clique would be if there are a group of girls that hang out, and they are all friends, but a select few get together exclusively without telling the others. Are you and your friends in a clique? Are you and your friends excluding others (intentionally or unintentionally)? These are a couple questions you and your friends should discuss and think about. 


Stay strong and stay positive, 
Courtney Jay 💜


Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Cyberbullied?

According to the dictionary cyber bullying is the use of cell phones, instant messaging, e-mail, chat rooms or social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter to harass, threaten or intimidate someone. Cyber bullying is one of today's more used forms of bullying because it is simply at the palms of ours hands. Sending messages anonymously seems a lot easier to do than physically harassing someone, which is why it is so common. A popular website/app called Ask.fm was and still is a huge bullying platform, you can ask questions anonymously to anyone with an ask.fm account. The site was created to ask curious questions you have about someone such as, "What's your favorite color?" Or "did you go to summer camp last year?” Our youth quickly realized you could virtually say anything, here are a couple questions from my personal ask.fm, "Why are you always with ur mom? Lol ur a loser it's sad." and, "I don't think your clothes match....like the most recent pic on your Instagram. That doesn't match at all and ur hair looks nasty. sorry to break it to you!" I say all of this to say, words can really hurt. As I stated before, cyber bullying is one of today's most common ways to bullying or harass someone.

If you are being cyber bullied do not respond or retaliate, simply tell an adult and save the evidence.

Stay strong and stay positive,

Courtney Jay 💜

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

School is coming to an end!

The school year is quickly coming to a close, and with that comes exam...every teenagers nightmare. Although in my case, this school year has been nothing but a positive turn around for me! I am so glad to have been able to be apart of my new LHSN family. It makes me sad that school is ending, but makes me even more excited to spend time and hang out with all my friends over summer break and of course I am looking forward to junior year! My school year started out on a low note and is ending on a high note! 

During the summer I will have more time to post more often and I am still working on telling you my story of how and why I started my Bash Out Bullying Organization! On that note happy exam week fellow high schoolers!

Stay strong and stay positive, 
Courtney Jay 💜

2 days left! 

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Sticks And Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Sometimes Hurt Me

I just learned today that something I said in 6th grade about a girl (something not so nice) is still bothering her. I had no idea until seeing it on Twitter today! I apologized then, and I have apologized to her again today, hopefully this will bring some closure. That's why I am so excited about this new movement Bash Out Bullying! Nobody deserves to be bullied! 

Stay strong and stay positive,
- Courtney Jay 

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Ready to Bash Out Bullying?

Hello there!

My name is Courtney Jay Harris and I am an 16 year old sophomore who lives in St. Louis, MO. Bash Out Bullying is not only the name of this blog, but the name of something that will become a movement! I was bullied and I plan to share my story, by bringing more awareness to bullying and inspiring others to stand up and speak out. This blog will be used to help people going through similar situations that I have experienced. I hope to connect with like-minded, positive people who share a passion for bringing more awareness about bullying and maintaining and gaining healthy friendships. I chose the color purple because it is not only my favorite color, but it symbolizes being understanding and supportive. 


I will post and share other bullying stories, news articles, and photos. I will not only be posting my stories, but your stories too! Just simply email bashoutbullying@gmail.com and you could see your story here! This blog is meant for a positive and safe environment to share my thoughts and yours about bullying!

Stay strong and stay positive,
Courtney Jay